


I'd Be a Punk if My Mom Would Let Me

by Alexwritesfics



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol, Almost Punk?Thomas, But they're both students, House Party, M/M, Smoking, modern!AU, university!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:12:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4471910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexwritesfics/pseuds/Alexwritesfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andy is a first-year at university and feels out of place. An encounter with a fellow student might change things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Be a Punk if My Mom Would Let Me

**Author's Note:**

> _I know I'm not your kind of guy but please don't just reject me/I've never gotten drunk but I'd be a punk if my mom would let me..._  
>   
> 
>  
> 
> (Lyrics by the Brobecks)
> 
> Ehhh, this is just something I wrote today due to my extremely indulgent fantasy of a Thomas with tattoos. I was planning to make him a punk but other things got in the way once I set up the premise. I got so carried away with this one. Ah well. Here's what I have to show for my ramblings.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. I hope this doesn't come off as being derogatory to people who like to get a little bit wild at parties or anything. I'm actually quite at home with parties like these, lol - but I remember what it was like the first time, and how out-of-place I felt.

It was loud and raucous and Andy was way out of his depth.

He sipped something vaguely alcoholic that burned his throat in a way that he didn't particularly care for as he watched the carnage continue. Music blared from speakers as older boys chugged and yelled and smoked. They were filled with a reckless abandon that Andy had never felt. He felt so out of place here, even though he'd tried his hardest to look exactly the same as everyone else - white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, dark-blue jeans and trainers. Unfortunately, he'd been dealing with sticking out like a sore thumb all of his life due to his size, which he'd never been able to help.

He couldn't see any button-down shirts... All he saw was t-shirt after t-shirt. He couldn't even get the unofficial dress code right.

There was a couple of girls kissing in the corner, mouths moving softly, hands running over each other's bodies with vigour and _want._ They were beautiful. Andy felt himself blush. He supposed he'd never be that bold, not in a million years. He'd never be a womaniser like some of his brothers were.

He'd waited so long to be invited to something like this, but once he was finally there, he was at a loss for what to do. What constituted as party etiquette? What was the polite thing to do if one wanted to strike up a conversation with someone new? Andy smiled despite himself as he saw another boy use a funnel for an unholy amount of lager. Maybe there was no etiquette after all.

Andy's first year of university...

...Andy's first week away from home.

His roommates were off in the kitchen somewhere, and for now, Andy had to show them that he was doing fine on his own, that he didn't have to follow anyone around like a lost puppy just to feel okay again. It was humiliating being the only one who didn't know someone at uni, especially since he wasn't very good at making casual acquaintances in one night. He knew logically that he couldn't be the only one who felt lonely and friendless that evening, but it was hard to stay positive when he had no-one to talk to. He scanned the crowd despite it being such a futile exercise, finding a sea of unrecognisable faces staring back. Not that they were particularly interested in him at all - they were caught up in the magic of the night and all the things one could do with it.

Andy gripped his cheap plastic cup a little tighter, trying his hardest not to panic. How could he make friends if he had no-one to introduce him to the world? "This is Andrew Parker, he's a first-year, he's bi and he's very scared and excited to meet you." Andy chuckled nervously at the thought, though the sound cut off abruptly when two people pushed past him, as if was an inanimate object rather than a person in their path.

And that's when Andy saw him.

A group of lads burst in through the back door, all of them admittedly quite handsome, but the one at the back was something else...

He was pale, with dark hair and icy blue eyes, and he walked with the disinterested stride of a man who owned everyone and everything in the room. His cheekbones were higher than heaven and he was wearing a leather jacket. He had a few piercings in his ears, and they suited him well. More than well, actually.

He was gorgeous.

Well, Andy was sold. The anxious first-year downed his drink, swallowing nervously as he watched the beautiful man across the room and grab a bottle of beer rather than a cup of the unidentifiable punch, something Andy had been too self-conscious to do. Andy tried not to seem particularly conspicuous in his admiration lest the man look up and notice his attentions.

'Hellooooo!' came a great shout from the kitchen as a girl tottered over to the stranger and his group.

'Daisy,' one of them said, laughing a little at her tipsy appearance. 'We've been looking for you. Have you been here the whole time?'

'Yessss...' the girl named Daisy said, walking over to cling onto the collar of the beautiful man's jacket. '...Why so glum, Tommy?'

'It's Thomas,' "Tommy" said in a near-automatic fashion. '...And I'm fine.' He cast a gaze in Andy's general direction, and even though Andy knew Thomas couldn't possibly give a damn about an awkwardly tall first-year clutching an empty plastic cup like it was a lifeline, Andy still resisted the urge to hurry back into the kitchen so Thomas wouldn't see him.

Thomas looked back to his group when one of them said with his voice raised to be heard over the music: 'Hey, Thomas. Daisy's plastered already. Me and Alfred are gonna go get her some water and Jimmy wants to see his girl. You'll be okay on your own, right?'

Thomas nodded, already slicker and smoother than Andy would ever be. 'Yeah. 'Course I will be.' And he looked like he actually meant it, like this pristine and perfect being was also at home with chaos and disarray. Every person who tried to push past him like they had with Andy was met with Thomas' piercing gaze, which stopped them completely in their tracks. He didn't seem to be someone to be messed with.

As the group left Thomas on his own, Andy also thought about taking his leave. He had to get back to his roommates - he was tired of sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have their fun. At least he knew his roommates well enough to have a good conversation or two with them now. Still, it was a shame that he couldn't make at least one connection with someone that night.

Then the most miraculous thing happened.

Thomas looked directly into Andy's eyes and unmistakeably mouthed "Hello".

Andy nearly jumped out of his own skin - he felt like he'd been watching Thomas through glass, and now Thomas had abruptly smashed the barrier between them... They were both on the same side.

Andy couldn't help it - he gave a nervous smile in return, left hand forming an awkward wave of greeting.

Andy's heart leapt in his chest when he saw the handsome stranger start to move - he was gently pushing others aside, making his way over to Andy with an unreadable look in those piercing blue eyes.

Andy felt the heat rise to his face with a vengeance, because Thomas was so beautiful that it almost hurt to look at him, but Thomas was still interested in giving Andy the time of day.

It could've all been a joke, a cruel prank, but Thomas was too alluring for Andy not to take his chances.

Thomas moved in an almost dreamlike way, and Andy was entranced. The first-year was pulled from his thoughts of just how lucky he was when he felt Thomas' warm lips near his ear, saying: 'You alright?'

Andy bit his lip and blushed even harder despite himself. He nodded, trying and failing not to breathe in the intoxicating scent of Thomas' cologne. 'Yeah,' he said, trying his hardest to be heard over the music.

'Wanna get some air?' Thomas asked.

~*~

'I'm Thomas,' Thomas said with a small smile, holding out a hand for Andy to shake. Andy took it, heart fluttering as he felt Thomas' firm grip. Andy was close enough to notice the beginnings - or ends - of a tattoo on Thomas' wrist, obscured mostly by Thomas' jacket.

'Andy,' Andy managed with a shy smile, turning slightly to take a quick look at the stars. It was cold out on the rooftop, but Andy couldn't bring himself to care in that moment. He'd never seen a boy like Thomas where he came from. Andy wanted to make the most of it, even if he was too shy himself to act on anything.

'You looked a little lost, I must say,' Thomas said. 'Like you didn't know what to do.'

'I don't get invited to parties,' Andy admitted, blood running cold for reasons other than the weather when he realised what his own words meant. _He's going to think I'm a loser..._

There was a sad look in Thomas' eyes, just for a sliver of a moment, before an odd smile crossed the man's face. He put down his beer. 'Good. Me neither. So we should have lots to talk about.' In a flash, Thomas knelt to the ground before sprawling out on the floor, looking up at Andy with his arms above his head. Thomas relaxed his pose and patted the space next to him softly.

Andy could at least recognise that cue, even if he wasn't usually good at reading people or what they wanted of him. He smiled, feeling a strange rush of joy as he sat down next to Thomas. '...You don't get invited to parties either?' Andy ventured.

'No.' Thomas gave a small laugh, which, like the man himself, was beautiful. 'I gate crash with the others, mostly. Only because they want me to. But the hosts, they don't usually want me there. Then again, sometimes I go anyway, because why not? It's an open house. There's free beer. And they don't pay attention to me when I'm there, anyway. I can slip in and out whenever I please.' Thomas was clearly endeavouring to list the positives, but his voice had become slightly monotone, as if these were things he kept constantly having to remind himself of.

'I'd be too scared to just... Drop in uninvited.' Andy felt his face heat up, and he forced himself not to check whether Thomas was watching him.

'Yeah,' Thomas said softly. 'I used to be like that. I had no idea how to handle myself at parties, no idea how I was supposed to behave...'

'...Which year are you?' Andy had had to ask. Thomas looked older and more sophisticated than others in the way he held himself, but he was clearly a student.

'Just starting my third year,' Thomas said easily. 'I want to get a PhD eventually.'

'Wow...'

'-Is something wrong?'

'N-No, no, I was just impressed. About the PhD, I mean. You'd be a doctor...'

Thomas laughed, sounding almost shy, but from what Andy could gather about Thomas already, Thomas didn't do "shy". 'Not a medical one though. I don't think they'd let me even if I could get the grades for that.' He sat up a little, absentmindedly running a hand across the arm parallel to it.

'Oh. The tattoos?'

'Yeah.'

There was a small pocket of silence as they looked up at the night sky, Andy watching his own breath rise up into the air as spirals from the evening's persistent chill. Thomas took a swig of his beer, handing it over to Andy who took a tiny, tentative sip.

'...Why did you ask me to come out here?' Andy asked, the fires of his curiosity still burning.

'Don't take this the wrong way, but you looked a little out of your depth. And you kept... Looking over at me. All weird-like. For a while I thought you'd had a bit too much of the punch - which is usually spiked in my experience.'

Andy nearly choked on his own oxygen at Thomas' last remark. 'I-I didn't mean to stare at you,' the first-year managed, trying to avoid Thomas' gaze.

'It's fine. I just know how you feel, and I wasn't lying about getting some air either. It can be suffocating sometimes. I still get so nervous...'

'You still get nervous at parties?'

'Yeah.'

'Y-You do a pretty good job of hiding it then,' Andy said with a nervous laugh.

'What can I say, it gets easier... You start to get used to your surroundings and how other people behave in them. I have to go out even when I don't particularly feel like it, sometimes. How else would I meet people like you?'

'...People like me?'

'I just meant... New. You're someone new.'

'Oh. Right, that makes sense.'

'So, I'm guessing you're a first year?'

'Yeah.'

'It was kind of obvious,' Thomas teased. Andy decided that he didn't mind Thomas' teasing - it was gentle and without real malice. 'How's life treating you then, Mister First-Year-Of-Uni?' Thomas went on to say.

'...Pretty good, I'd reckon. I think I'm gonna like my course. I just find it hard to, to put myself out there, y'know? I've got no-one to introduce me to anyone.'

'Then you're gonna have to introduce yourself. You control how you're "put out there".'

'I'll try...'

'...I hope you do. You'll do fine. Hey, d'ya smoke?'

And it was then that Andy panicked for what felt like the thousandth time that night.

'Er, sure,' the first-year lied with a small smile, trying not to let his nerves show. He didn't know what had possessed him to say it - Thomas probably knew by now that he was a total novice to everything and was just humouring him - but Andy guessed he wanted at least one connection to this handsome sympathetic stranger, however tenuous.

'Here.' Thomas held a cigarette in-front of Andy's lips and Andy accepted it, bringing to his mouth with slightly shaky fingers - a detail that Andy guessed he could blame on the cold later on if it ever came up.

Andy felt shy as Thomas lit the cigarette for him with an ornate lighter, before the third-year proceeded to light his own. As soon as the cigarette started to burn, Andy tried to take a small, shallow breath, not inhaling much of the smoke before exhaling. He took the cigarette away from his lips and tried to hold in a way that belied experience he didn't have.

He risked a glance at Thomas - and Thomas was smiling that small, measured smile of his, cigarette dangling from his lips. '...You can stub it out, Andy,' he said simply.

Andy felt himself blush with mortification as his eyes began to water, but he held it together and did as he was instructed.

Thomas smiled wryly. 'Listen to me,' he said, taking a long drag of his cigarette and exhaling before leaning close to Andy. 'You don't have to do anything that they tell you to. You don't have to do anything I tell you to. Fuck 'em. Do what you want. There's a line between putting yourself out there and sacrificing what you think is best.' Thomas' tone was still light and playful, but an intensity burned behind his speech.

'-I don't object to it on a m-moral level, I think it's fine when people smoke,' Andy said hurriedly. It was pretty, too. Andy didn't usually think that way about it, but Thomas, well... He made a lot of things look pretty damn good.

'Yeah, but _you_ don't like it,' Thomas countered, prodding Andy in the shoulder gently. 'And now you're living on your own, you've got to look out for Number One.'

Andy blushed at the close proximity of himself and Thomas. '...Why are you telling me any of this?'

'Because... You seem good. And people, they don't like "good", they'll try and take advantage of you but it's not your fault. As long as you stand your ground with stuff, you'll do fine.'

'How do you know I'm good?'

'Because I'm not,' Thomas said, leaning back away from Andy and stubbing out his cigarette.

Andy wanted to pry more, but he also didn't want to ruin the mood. Thomas' piercings glinted a little in the moonlight and the terrifically embarrassing words: "are you a punk?" were out of the first-year's mouth before he could stop himself.

Thomas laughed though, a full, exuberant laugh that warmed Andy more than that horrible punch had ever done. The third-year raised an eyebrow and said in a mock-serious, surprisingly upperclass accent: 'Haven't you heard the news yet? Punk is dead.'

Andy laughed at that. They both did.

They settled into a comfortable silence, and Andy felt some of the tension leave his body. He finally lay back like Thomas had done to gaze up at the night sky properly.

'Did you come here with anyone?' It was Thomas breaking the silence this time.

'Er, my roommates...' Andy said. 'But they all knew each other before they met me. They're probably long gone.'

'That's a bit crap of them, then. They should be busy looking for you.'

'It's okay if they aren't. They don't know me all that well.'

'I suppose. But _still..._ '

'...It's fine.' Andy lifted his head a little to look at Thomas properly, curiosity piqued. 'So, who do you live with?'

'Two guys. Alfred and Jimmy.'

'Well, what about them? It's not like they've come searching for you...'

'...They know I like to be on my own for a bit. Sometimes I just need it,' Thomas said, and lo and behold, he sounded more shy and vulnerable than he had all night.

'You're not on your own, though.'

'No,' he said with a sad sort of smile. 'Guess I'm not tonight. I'm glad though.'

'You don't even know anything about me.'

Thomas chuckled. 'Your name's Andy, you're a first-year, you're just as sick of this party lark as I am and you don't like to smoke. Oh, and you're nice. Nicer than a lot of people I've known. Unless you're willing to re-introduce yourself?' Andy could practically hear the smile in Thomas' voice, but the first-year had had to look away the moment Thomas had called him "nice". It had made Andy's heart flutter in that almost painful way and suddenly it was hard to meet those endlessly blue eyes.

Andy recalled his own thoughts from earlier despite himself and blurted out: "I'm, I'm Andrew Parker, I'm a first-year, it's my first time away from home like this, I-I'm bi and I'm very scared a-and excited to meet you...'

Thomas laughed again, but not in a mocking way. It only made Andy want know him all the more. Thomas held out his hand again. 'Thomas Barrow. I'm a third-year. I can be a right bastard sometimes, even when I don't really mean it. I've been told before that all I do is smoke and listen to pretentious outdated music.' Thomas smiled as Andy clasped his hand once again. 'Oh, and I'm gay,' Thomas said as an afterthought, looking completely unruffled by the fact bar two spots of colour in his cheeks.

Andy sat up properly again after they'd shaken hands, running his fingers absentmindedly through his own curly hair. '... It looks like I'm probably going to have to get back soon.'

'Yeah, you're probably right...' Thomas said. 'I've got to get back too.'

Andy nodded, a curious kind of sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He didn't want to say goodnight - not now, not yet. Not without trying something first.

But did he have the bottle?

Maybe not, but Thomas was gorgeous and dreamy and enchanting beyond belief and even when he was tipsy, Andy knew he'd never be able to date a man like that. But this was his first party. He was alone on the rooftop with the most handsome man he'd ever encountered. No-one in the whole place even knew he existed apart from Thomas.

It wouldn't hurt to give it a try, would it?

Just one last thing before saying goodnight.

'...S-So I'll say goodnight,' Andy murmured, leaning in closer to Thomas. Thomas' breath was warm, and Andy could smell Thomas' cologne again.

'Andy...' Thomas said, and it was like a sigh, a whisper in the wind.

_I want you to say my name. I want to talk to you for hours, I want to hear all about your "pretentious, outdated music", I want to know about your tattoos, I want to know when you started smoking and whether it was the same time you got that sadness put in your eyes, I want to know who did it and why, I want to run my fingers through your hair, I want to hold you close to me and sway with you even though I have two left feet. I want to know what you think of me._

_I want you to want me back._

And now Andy could understand the girls he'd seen kissing in semi-public earlier on, the feeling of what it was to _want,_ and maybe he'd never be as bold as to do it in the middle of a party but this rooftop was nice.

Nice enough for Andy to do what he'd wanted ever since he'd laid eyes on Thomas Barrow.

Andy brushed his lips softly against Thomas'.

Immediately the first-year had to fight the urge to pull back. There was electricity there in that chaste first kiss, and it crackled and buzzed in a way that frightened Andy in ways that he didn't quite recognise, but Andy persevered.

Thomas made a small indecipherable noise before kissing back, something a little more desperate in his movements as he leaned into the act. Andy didn't want to miss a minute of it but he couldn't help but close his eyes, savouring the feeling of Thomas' lips. The bass of the music from inside the house seemed to mirror the thudding of Andy's frantic heart until it was all the first-year could hear.

When they pulled apart, all Andy could do was laugh - laugh in disbelief of how he could ever work up the courage to kiss Thomas. Thomas laughed as well, pulling Andy into a clumsy embrace.

Andy basically melted, holding Thomas close and committing the scent of leather and cigarettes and cologne to memory.

'You really _are_ something new,' Thomas murmured quietly in Andy's ear, and Andy felt an embarrassing shiver of delight run through him. Those were words for Andy - no-one else in the whole world would hear them. And Andy couldn't be more happy about it.

'...I should go now,' Thomas said after they finally pulled away and got to their feet, and he sounded pained.

Andy nodded, feeling upset that Thomas was leaving but jubilant that he'd got in a goodnight kiss before they'd had to part.

'Goodbye Andy.'

'Goodbye, Thomas.'

~*~

Andy sighed as he heard the music finally stop playing, weak rays of sunshine on the horizon hailing the start of a new day. He held Thomas' empty beer bottle in his hand, which Andy had finished off himself.

Andy knew he should be tucked up in bed with a hangover like the rest of them by now, but he still couldn't wrap his head around what had happened with Thomas. He still hardly knew anything about the third-year, but it seemed like they'd both been so happy together.

And that kiss... Andy would never be able to forget a kiss like that.

He wasn't sure if he'd ever see Thomas again. They may have been at the same university, but Andy was beginning to learn that the city was a big place. Even though he'd grown up in London, this new city seemed stranger and larger than anything on God's green earth. He sat on the roof watching the flickering lights of the early risers, hidden by curtains and blinds, and wondered where Thomas was, and if he was thinking about Andy like Andy was thinking about him just then. 

Trying to set his feelings aside for the time being, Andy finally got to his feet again, brushing himself off, but something silver twinkling in the new morning light caught the first-year's eye. He leaned down to take a closer look at it.

A lighter.

Thomas' lighter.

Andy felt his heart leap in his chest for no real reason. His hands scrabbled at the floor as he tried to pick it up, and when he finally succeeded, he held it up to the light.

It was beautiful.

Just like its owner.

Andy smiled, a sappy sort of smile that he allowed himself not to be embarrassed about since he was still alone for the time being.

 _What would the family think of me now?_ he thought to himself. _I've barely been gone five minutes and I'm already kissing strange boys on rooftops._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank-you for reading...


End file.
